frozen_symphony

shift_

2006-06-04T23:40:00.000-07:00

lj looks good to me =) Redirection --> http://kyrle-cottsloe.livejournal.com/

In time

2006-04-15T16:35:00.000-07:00

just a random personality survey of sorts from some time ago...

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I just got this notion that every single moment and decision is actually charting one's direction in life, always changing with each action, just like how demand and supply curves perpetually shift. Lots have happened in 4 months; and within this span, I think i've done enough to generate those tons of secrets of a lifetime and lessons on myself. I'll take some of those secrets to my grave, definitely; the only consolation: that they ever happened in this lifetime of mine.

As I stand back and look at the people around me changing, those personalities i once shattered ice with or those extreme conservatives becoming so forward looking; it causes me to sometimes shrink into this penumbra of intense and frantic thought, to try to grasp a really macro picture of some social evolution of sorts. Change is a double edged sword, but within my sphere of increasing efficacy and some subconcious positive morphing (I hope), I know i wont concede any defeat yet.

Change, that's one tackled, via acceptance.

I am getting to appreciating the tranquility of night, stark contrast from the chaotic dissonances of daylight that ever so stoically insist on penetrating my chamber of thought, turn the vault of information on my notes into garble, make a fool out of concentration, run me down the rut of guilt.

Passed the interview for humanities scholarship almost a week back, last rung to reach that summit to satisfy that tinge of expectation. Good Lord don't leave me hanging.

great school, great class, great everything

2006-01-07T15:20:00.000-08:00

the first week of school flies past and dissipates before the eye, as if the globe just accelerated its rotation. some facts havent sunk in yet; this week just seems to be some other high school council event like slc. but the reality that iam already a college student stares back with this contorted expression that epitomises some emotion in between excitement and apprehension. I don't actually know what really to expect, but all in all, you get what you make out of these two years here.

well, orientation went well, except for some splatters here and there that really marred my impression of some staff, and some other talks that bores you to the bone. It's almost the same as chinese high, with people around speaking mandarin like a staple, even though theres the influx of students from everywhere. but gosh, its still so chinese! anyway, I thought the best of the orientation itenary was the hexagon thing and mass dance. Actually I thought that this culture of mass dancing would be shaken with the influx of chs students because of our generally unenthusistic attitude to everything that speaks of school spirit, but it turned out differently.

oh and my orientation group was quite enthusiastic in the cheering and games stuff, which I found quite surprising given that people like minkai and yongkeong actually stood out by leading the group in cheers and the games. so much for secondary school passiveness.

iam officially in the humanities programme now; the next hurdle is the scholarship part. I thought that the scholarship wasnt particularly important since ESIP and this humanities scholarship overlapped each other in the area of school fees. but on furthur thought, its the connotation attached to the humanities scholarship that appeals. iam now in 06a15, guess that would be apollo.

have met my class, and well, they're great people to be with. it just seems like a14 and a15 together is a western conclave amidst this generally oriental setting which amanda chong calls 'chingchongchinaland'. well anyway so the 05 batch and us went to kap for some senior-junior interaction which provides pretty much insight into..well, generally how the school system goes. so unfortunately, the weeks of late nights, taxing activities, boring talks and some personal setbacks has really allowed mental and physical fatique to set in; just killed my mood and dissipated my energy to go socialise and find out people's names. Don't know the names of everybody in my class yet, but I guarentee that when the next week opens, I'd have psyched myself and come back in full force.

so much for now.

updated

2005-12-13T18:00:00.000-08:00

havent touched this for months because there just isnt any strong impetus to write about myself. Well I dont find the idea of writing about yourself very palatable, so basically my other literary interests are flourishing while this is rotting. Anyway decided to chronicle some stuff I can vividly remember, after the mundane of banging on piano keys incessantly for over two hours.

Iam bored. Acutally, not that I have nothing to do -- most of the items on my list of to do's are still unchecked -- but rather there is no impetus or motivation to have them completed. Iam tempted to draw parallels to those who harbour sucidal notions after realising the futility of life -- I believe it's the same concept.

First week of december was spent chalking up hours as stagehands for the childaid performance. Actually to think about it, the job was really minimal because the NUS people in charge had already quite a few volunteers helping out with the props and coordination, so we just had to inform the performers of their appearance onstage, prepare/clear props, the technical aspects like sound and the other usual theatrical stuff. Just learnt that those hours were counted as cip, so we probably chalked up close to thirty hours of the most enjoyable cip. - laughs - And then there came along this reporter who asked tons of questions unrelated to childaid, in the name of an interview with us, like what subjects we took, career aspirations etc. Then they took a picture of jinrong and shawn posing with a harp, which appeared on the fri after the second performance. well anyway I was quite inspired by abigail sin that two nights so iam now trying my hand at Liszt ballad no.2...

Went for fund raising for this organisation called youthchallenge which claims affiliation with UN yesterday. They go about it the archaic way - soliciting donations on the streets, which I thought was quite inefficient but couldnt think of a more efficient way in their context, and in the context of the cause they serve. Seems to me like they're a popular organisation from the number of volunteers there (at the time when I was present), and this complacent-sounding guy who tried incessantly to imbibe into everyone the virtue of doing your best and boasting of their achievements (in the humanitarian arena) and what sets them apart from 'ordinary' organisations. damn, so cliche. And I didnt know such an organisation existed until cindy called up some time ago and asked if I would want to go about doing this. Iam actually not quite acquianted with the idea of soliciting donations on the street because all the chartable work for four years wasnt anything of this sort -- those in ncc and council. they were more of strategy, organising and/or manning carnivals and the likes of the childaid concert etc. well, such were the more glitzy affairs we had. There's nothing bad about street solicitations, except the boredom that plagues you. I realised that it doesnt wear you out physically, but mentally. Met zichong, cheehow, cindy, yawen and another person whom i dont know at 9+ and by the time the guy at the centre finished with his rhetoric and the registration and stuff, we left at 1130. Returned at 3.45, earlier than I'd planned. the donations were plentiful, but the sales of this pen they produced (or from sponsors) were nil; they didnt appeal to anybody and perhaps the pricing wasnt right too.

actually this whole idea of street solicitation doesnt really appeal to me. maybe firstly, its inefficient, and secondly, the numbers. i guess i have a rather warped idea about this whole thing, but after years of raking in and sending donations by the thousands without the crude soliciting is beginning to set into me some obsession with efficiency. Perhaps it isnt about efficacy, but like i said, maybe i do have a warped perception of this all..

after this business, went home to complete my daily tasks hurridly, namely some finger routines on the keyboard and other chores, compulsory personal tasks (whatever they should be called) before leaving again for some string concert with weixiang and rosemarie. Was pleasant, since i havent seen both for quite some time already.

sin hwee just sent me another chinese orchestra song by some dizi master. I dont really find oriental music very appealing; it's loud and a lot of tonal clashes and quintessentially very china-like in style. well i dont know how to put it but it paints a picture of backwardness, where there's these old men in a plain, playing some intrument, along with butterflies and scenery. Some are not loud, slow and clashy but iam also not too sure of why i harbour this deep seated distaste for oriental music. not like people like sinhwee who can see the underlying philosophies and mentalities of that age. How suave is that?

well anyway i guess i'll have to go for that fundraising again tomorrow, unless some family matter comes up again (as always, on very short notice) having skipped today because of a bad headache which got better later on. and i said i'd go today, wed and fri.

My items on the list of to do's sits waiting to be checked. maybe they wont be completed, and the disappointment sets in and apportioning of the blame to me. Oh my.

reBorn

2005-09-02T23:40:00.000-07:00

havent written for ages. well, probably because of this mixture of laziness and weariness. anyway, just wanted to talk about perth and ortus night because they are 2 of the latest experiences which i hope will not be the first and last.

well perth was great, one of the best camps I and I think everyone has been to ( of course only those who went to aus). Was basically the opposite of the blasted boring obs...you see we went white water rafting, flying foxes you cant find in S'pore etc. Beats obs flat. plus the ready pitched tents etc, really freed much time for other stuff (which wont be elaborated on here). but the stuff in perth is relatively expensive, compounded by the stronger aussie dollar, which can bring the price of a small meal close to over 10AUD. Took lots of pictures...came to be about 500 after compiling algernon's and jun zhi's, but i managed to upload most. try this: http://ongzhao89.shutterfly.com

msg this term isnt really bad...goes to 1.4, class 7th and one of my best insofar. still quite worried abt the jc criteria thing, but I guess more hard work to be put in over the next few weeks before any reward can be reaped.

now ortus night..we originally played powerpuff girls' Love makes the world go round. sounds stupid but i thought it wasnt bad after hearing alvin and hongfei. too bad hongfei couldnt sing today. and also unfortunate that drummer jonathan couldn make it for rehearsals, so item was changed. and guess what. it became my piano solo because tanhy wanted a filler for the empty slot. without scores and informed only 3 hrs before the actual perfomance. but in any case, all the performances rocked...will remember Alive and especially Lixi's guitar..haha

getting late now but good luck to those out there taking prelims or whatever exams. you will pull through....haha...sweet dreams.

Re-connections

2005-07-09T00:55:00.000-07:00

i guess ord marks another milestone, well, talk about growing with everyone in the past 4 years. well, the usual water bombings still remained, but i reckon what will remain of 4 years of ncc will not be this instantaneous remembrance but the streched period of forging ties. thought i could seriously have done more within these years, but again, i shouldnt describe so much of a scenario everyone born into this earth would have to go through.

went with kaixian, rose and channel to some music awards at cat high last friday, which was real good. but of course, it's relative (where on earth can you find absolute perfectionism?). well, the significance in mentioning this lies not within the shows itself but the personal ramifications it had on me. for one, i thought that we at hci were still at the lower ends of the rungs if the musical passion of s'porean schools were lined end-on-end; and i really do, sort of admire these talents (if they're talents to begin with, or just the average pseudo-genius Tom, which reallyputs us to shame). but talk about the school administration's backing, talk about financial support and we pale in comparison. Pallor. yet, mention acadamic lust and we hammer them flat-out.

jason wong talked to us about promotional criterion to hcjc. going by his flashy statistics (which based themselves in turn, on the assumption that results will follow similar trends of a pyramid with the rotten grades at the bottom), 40% of the cohort will not make it to hcjc. Laughable? yea. Ridiculous? outright so. So what's become of IP? I reckon it's pretty unfair to utilise past years' Olvels as a basis of comparison to IP curriculum and students' acadamic standards. talk about an avrg msg of 3.00 and an L1R5 of 6. but well, thats without factoring in the other mitigating (and potentially lethal) ill-effects of..yea, the trillions of saturated,lambasticated bullshit. But whether IP is too preliminary to be fairly commented on is to be exposed to the world in 5 mths (or 2.5 yrs).

my mum called me a nuisance for forgetting my phone today. well i had been waiting for her since the pre-arranged time at 2 (for some appointment..), but sort of felt jerky after 20 mins without trace of the car. so anyway i tried to borrow a line from some sec 1s but without avail. i still got that line in (only to be recieved by my aunt who informed me that my mum herself had forgotten her phone..) by the pleasant incidence of my friend Tiffany who happened to be entering, lending me her phone. Thanks dude. You know i used to find it counfounding why teenagers are so hung up over cellphones, but perhaps now i could convince people of OUR fervent cause..

man,i feel as if i'am off balance (must be cerebellum?). off to finish some math, mrp to get some motivation, and probably some inspiration too...

Perception?

2005-05-02T13:06:00.000-07:00

With regards to debilitating issues, there can be no right nor wrong. Defining or advocating what is 'right' would be tantamount to playing God. This is also true for the negative aspect of 'wrong'.

I'll give you an analogy; if truth tells you of a pink round object in front of you, yet you look around and perceive nothing, does it still exist? This is my take: Yes, it definetely does, firstly, for it is the truth whose revelation this is, and second, because of the commonly overlooked fact that our 5 senses are not organs which can perceive everything. I believe our 5 sense organs only allow us a perception of a fraction of all aspects of nature, and the fact that you didn't perceive that pink round object merely means your senses do not have the ability to sense it. Simple. In truth, no one said that your 5 senses could sense every disturbance in your environment.

I believe that this same principle can be applied when dealing with the sciences. I am amused at the rate theorists reject hypothesis and theories because they do not sound logical. But who, or what, has the key answer to what constitutes logic? And that is why I believe logic is indeed just a warped perception of reality, man-defined, and perhaps, if humanity can pit aside the lowly intricacies of our human mind, can science be again or furthur revolutionalised.

for the music of the skies

2005-04-16T12:41:00.000-07:00

saw her again..2 days ago....that afternoon (or maybe early evening).. maybe 'again' isnt too appropriate, its just the second time, but i still dont know how i remembered the first. rarely remember nor recognise the peoples that commute beside, behind, left or right me everday, but somehow i still remembered. halfway through our lofty floating gazes met, coincidental i must say...smiled and turned..and the rest is history.
probably some of the most inherent weaknesses of humans, or myself. but still, looking forward to a repetition of history again..

i think pngkl is a gd teacher. firstly he can teach (yea TEACH...many teachers cannot/), and..erm...adorable?..heh..though he can be quite anti climax sometimes..
lost waterpolo 4-5 against acsi, but e team did well... at least the gap's not too big.

the heats of e term coming up in the next few weeks, so k..gotta run.

dilemma

2005-03-28T21:32:00.000-08:00

T2week2, the world's just rushing by. there's confirmation in about 10 days time, of which i wrote of 16 yrs in a perpetual blur of the boundary divinely dividing reality and imagniation. a decade of religious education ending; just a passe in time to come..

Lots of things running on; has always been that effective and effectual in plunging me into those efforts to organise and ideally plan what to complete, and in doing so, wasting available time only to realise that..but again, i cannot bring myself to stop thinking and just let nature come its way.

Big pressing issue still taking its come-uppence in my mind: what to choose for A level subjects. 4 H2? But that's still inconsequential. what's pressing, is the dictate of what the future entails for each path..each acadamic path..you take. Now theres humanities programme and science stream and of course arts (which definetely is out). Just that science opens more options for you in university. i don't really deteste science, but humanities is more of my cup of tea. i want to be a lawyer in general, have been set on it years back. perhaps its the appeal of equivocation, or the flair for language (english of course, nvr chinese)? really isnt clear right now, but i know sciences...really isnt my cup of tea. but whatever, it'll be decided upon in time to come.

..and i was just contemplating, what success actually brings you. anyway no one really holds the key to what constitutes success isnt it. why do we work so hard, if we so outrightly believe that monetery goals are too tangible. ever wondered who could be such a genius to be able to link and create the intrinsics that surroud and constitute us..? well..if success for a schooling kid means acing exams, getting into supposedly top class/s, well dude, iam successful.

life's quite meaningless dont u agree...

the world's not my cup of tea, really

2005-03-03T18:52:00.000-08:00

Got an effing failing mark for bio, first time in 2 yrs since we took up bio that went below an A, all thanks to koehy and her application questions. heard that 4J did as bad as us, so maybe we should start learning how to link concepts up. I think that's a problem for most s'porean students - set a question which just requires some regurgitation of concepts, and you have a definite A. oh wells...

I seriously think mr hon's one hell of a defensive guy; that's why it makes people so sick to give feedback or suggestions etc, like what shan chin said during assembly, "no point talking so much lar". the sch seriously had better realise what people have been trying to drive in, or will just piss more off; anway transparency without action is as good as nothing. shant elaborate furthur.

So many people scored so well for chi O's; congrats to those who got what they wanted! It's a lil' scary, because of the fact that we have to sit for higher chi O's end of this year, and really, failure is not an option. failure as in below a A2, at the very worse B3, nothing lower. that's why the biggest pushing factor for many, or at least me, is called motivation through fear.

haha, life's been quite interesting lately, maybe it's because I've learnt to climb out of that constricting shell; lotsa things happen, but still, even though shedules have been quite hectic these days, will try to keep school life, social life, family life as active as possible, sounds great but again, the world's not really my cup of tea... :)

Incomings

2005-02-25T23:30:00.000-08:00

last post was ages ago...been very busy but lots of things been happening in sch, outside sch and at home. anyway, will try to remember what happened/happens..

quite glad to be in lit, cos everyone in geog's like getting near failing grades. iambic pantemeter. heard we're having combined subjects paper with nygh for EOYAs and the formats for most of the papers changed. anyway, english no matter how hard they claim it to be, its always do-able. Math and the rest good game..

aye, junior council elections results out. Both relieved and abit down. because we didnt get in. seriously, it's okay, because i foresee a very heavy workload this year and i plan to focus on acadamics first. secondly, council is rather limiting, if you really want experience, go serve in grassroots, which is directly in connection with society, or community. Isn't it more personally enhancing. i guess i wont feel too elated even if i got in, for all i know, it might even be a blessing in disguise..so now i guess will just be an advisor to ortus council...

went to st nick's investiture today. coming to think of it, it's one of the better investitures that i attended. i guess the success of any event is dependant on the organisers and the people who execute the plans. but in any case, like what sinhwee says, they're very hospitable and tts enough for their invest to be a success. anyway the invest lastest from 830 to 1030, then sch tours, as usual etc. but our guides were cute and..erm..funny, haha, we've got `lizzie, Philana, Chaneline, Rosemary, and another 2 whom i forgot because they suddenly disappeared somewhere along..

anyway i think i've found someone who can share the same reasonings as me, haha, its quite boring anyway to have some logic which no one understands. i think sinhwee's perception of what stuff are/is like aren't what many people can achieve, is it called maturity of thought? don't think so because many adults cannot..okay...shant elaborate..

listening to abigail sin's pieces. She's one hell of a great pianist, of course at tt age.. one of the pianists whose styles i've tried to..er..emulate? nope, wrong word to use, but it's something to that effect.

With this ends my time in council. Anyway, though aeki is inexperienced, he has those experienced councillors to back him up in ortus council, so we'll just give him our support k. and though i have personal prejudices to some people in the new junior council, but same to them, have a clear mind and be focused.

Gd night. =P

pardon, i choked even before i tried..

Resolute

2004-12-29T11:35:00.000-08:00

I am finally now able to conclude, with that same amount of certainty that you have when getting two after adding two ones, that acting in accordance with temporal judgement in a constraining environment will lead you no furthur than the point you started out with. It's a cap on progress, that I reckon, upholds the theory of checks that will keep status quo universally. And the salient factor in play would be the eccentrites (eccentric people), who would have the aptitude to defy what mother nature or the gene pool has in store for them.

I don't think what I wrote above was what I was trying to say, just couldn't find a word or phrase to fit, and the easiest way out is to coin the words yourself (that was the closest). So English's 300,000 words are still incapable of free expression. But really, this is the FIRST time I cannot find phrases to visualise/vocalise ideas..but nevermind, it's just for my own realisation of that stark reality that present itself to us as so surreal...

'Initiative' is one big word, easy to comprehend but difficult to implement, or so at least I think for many. It's what I belive, the fuel for the spark, which can really bring people together, or change your perception of the world, or even alter the angle at which you perceive reality, the environment, or te people around you. I guess that where the words "optimism" and "pessimism" arose from. And also, it's the reason why it's part of my new year resolutions...

Anyway, I have decided to run for junior council elections next year. For the sake of doing so. And winning, again, is completely another paradigm that reads give or take; this, I mean it.

It's quite saddening, that another year passes us by. For us teenagers, great, one year older; for the generation of "dialect staple", it's one more step nearer to sickness and the unthinkables. But resistance to change will always be futile. Looking at the sec 2s this year who will be taking the classroom I used to be part of next year, brings about this sense of equal competency, if it hadn't slipped my mind that I too, would be taking the classrooms of those who graduated. It's never level playing ground...

Oh, I had a very merry christmas anyway, and thanks to those who sent cards or well wishes, hope you all too had a great time..

Yes, and start looking forward to 4 more terms.

USeless rumblings

2004-12-07T22:33:00.000-08:00

hmm..the earlier post was just some..dun really know what to called it, morale booster for the new year? but at least it took up some time, kept the monster called boredom away.

been raining/drizzling nonstop these few days. ok..it read 25 deg and 90% humidity on my..er..wads that instrument called?..no idea..hygrometer/hydrometer/wadever. but if only this kind of weather could last. Isn't the world unfair..sometimes we cry foul over the slightest dichotomy. saw this somewhere: the trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt..sure applies..

humph...dunno how i ended there , but december's weather is sure nice..

End 2004

2004-12-06T18:11:00.000-08:00

2004.

What can I say of the epoch (if anyone would consider it a malapropism) 61 days ago, a saturated bottom line of dread, trepidation, or so whatever, if emotional content can be so aptly vocalised. I guess it’s a miracle in the making, for two eras of differing compositions to emerge within the span of half a month. The environment imbued fear of not scoring within the criterion of promotion, the almost-sure trek over crushed dreams and aspirations, has not, but fortunately, been realised.

Similarly astounding would be the juxtaposition of my three years in secondary school. I’ve always thought of phrases to the effect of that the real lessons do not happen within the classroom as cliché, condescendingly denouncing claims of this sort. But as the old lie dictates that seeing is believing, I have now been brought to believe that what one perceives outside the classroom is commensurate with the value of the academics. In 2004, I spent close to a full percent of my holidays on matters not related to the academic realm, and though I paid dearly for this (I hope it does not bring to mind results, because it sure is not) by disregarding mental capability, I do not even harbour a tinge of regret.

For reasons I do not really comprehend, I have this sense of achievement each time I think of June. Looking back at June holidays, I remember council retreat on week 1, NCC camp on week 2, RGS symposium on week two also, xSLC on week 3 and then Spec Course on week 4. Mind you, it took up whole weeks. Then came humanities night, where we would go back to school at 7pm after SYF rehearsal and rehearse till 11. If memory does not fail me, I think it is here that project day finals where held. We, as a group, got a distinction. Last, would be Carnival, and it would be great thanks to the AOS and the very efficient organising team that it materialised. To even recall that I thought of ditching the event (imagine any OS doing that), makes me blush. Literally.

Anyway, it consoles me to recall that my end-of-year msg was far better than what I expected, what I would pray/dream of. Okay, so 3i is headed for clock tower next year. I guess it would be apt to start again on this struggle, probably for the last year, with a place in HCJC as an incentive? Probably. I wish not to talk about maimed aspirations anymore…

I want to be a lawyer. Big-time lawyer. Attorney, judge, counsel, no joking. I guess its one dream I painted some time ago, one that I’m serious about. Maybe it’s too early to decide, but someday, I’ll materialise the most colourful dream I paint.

But on a lighter note, I guess it’s the nice people I get to know, the results which dazzle me and every other thing which makes the struggle worth, and makes this life worth living. I don’t want to die yet; my life’s still much unfulfilled. Lots of things I want to tell people but I can’t bear or don’t dare to; lots of stuff I would very much like to do but for some reason or other, I can’t. But it’s okay, I know someday, everything I wanted to do, everything I wanted to say, will be done. Just waiting

Atta boy, and Merry Christmas folks!!

INCREDIBLE

2004-11-19T22:52:00.000-08:00

just came home watching the incredibles!!which was so funny..was lauhing 90% of the way..and the plots' gd!!haha..Brad sth . oh yea...esp the ending, where the baby turned into a ball of fire and devil..haha...i think tts the most funny part of all. hmmz...wenta watch cos my dad managed to get free tickets for 2 and another 2...so went with my bro and sis and cousin..

my cousin's staying over tonight..rushing off to play with him now :) so morn did nothing, just archived the year's worth of emails and packed stuff..my mum's home for 2 weeks or so..so we'll stay at home?..hmm...went to play at grandma's hse in the aft..lol..hols are the best time to go back 10 yrs of yr life..be as childish as before and let go..haha..ye then went cathay cine at orchard to watch..hmm...INCREDIBLE INCREDIBLES...and the world's getting smaller...saw melody and her frends...ye..so just reached home.

..just heard my cousin saying "let's not slp tonite k"..haha...kk..tommorrow's going to be boring...

INCREDIBLE INCREDIBLES...

17th day of nov

2004-11-17T23:09:00.000-08:00

hmm....aren't holidays a stark contrast to school days?...been sinking into the reality of sleeping an extra 3 hrs more than the normal sch day, slacking around the whole day.

went shopping with family on sun, selected places of orchard road; i take that it's called spending quality time with the family?..lol okie, so bought another pair of nike trainers cos they were on discount..not much though. then went to snow city, to that barren building where they install some refigeration equipment, throw some ice in and one slope they call a 3 storey slide where u sit on floats and slide down. and its the only attraction there. it's sort of lame, though the snow is quite real..and no fun.

tried my hands at chopin's revolutionary etude in C, inspired by maksim..haha..not really that difficult..though its really fast paced. and i think maksim sort of, rocks. he's like inserting techno into classical, quite of a novel idea, yea? and he's one guy with great fingrs * flies over the keyboard* haha. hmmz...i love classical manz, though some can be real boring..

theres this science and tech and research and creativity in arts symposium/conference on the 25 and 26 nov, nationwide event, in sch. okay..have been assigned to entertain the guests and vips for both days. the damn thing is not abt the entertaining of guests, but the training...have to see mr yap for dunno how many times...

my sis called me an idiot! coz i blocked off the sites of blogspot and those common bloggin sites including msn from the router when she pissed me off with that attitude of hers...humph

clearing up the unfinished of late. hopefully when that is done, i will have time to catch up with those ppl i haven't been talking to...haha..kkz

hmm..chun meng just said he was going to eat dinner...and i said "SO LATE?!"...so its only arnd 5 in dubai..haha..its gd nite here now, ye, and gd nite to all still out in this cyber world now..

excuses*

an emotion called boredom

2004-11-08T20:38:00.000-08:00

hmm..hols started 1 week ago, and iam the first at home to reach the hols..haha. guess i'll still be busy for a few more days clearing this yr's paperwork. oh..and my mum bought a treadmill (says she wants to lose weight..lol), resulting in another item to hog the space in the home. YES!..and freedom from books tastes GOOD!

Friendship is a quiet walk in the park with the one you trust
Love is when you feel like you are the only two around
Friendship is when they gaze into your eyes and you know they care
Love is when they gaze into your eyes and it warms your heart
Friendship is being close even when you are far apart
Love is when you can still feel their hand on your heart when they are not near
Friendship is hoping that they experience the very best
Love is when you bring them the very best
Friendship occupies your mind
Love occupies your soul
Friendship is knowing that you will always try to be there when in need
Love is when you will give up everything to be at their side
Friendship is a warm smile in the winter
Love is a warming touch that sends a pulse through your heart
Love is a beautiful smile to which nothing compares
A tender laugh, which opens your heart
A single touch that melts away your fears
A smell that reminds you of the tenderness of heaven
A voice that reminds you of the innocence of youth
Friendship can survive without love
Love cannot live without friendship
--- Nathan Stutte

it turned out well

2004-10-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

YAy...results are on target, xcept one or two. oh boy, mr goh gave me a real scare that day when he said that i failed bio. argh, fancy teachers bluffing students for no reason, somemore say until so serious. final score: A1!! MUAHAHA..SHOOT ME man, iam over the moon..the other subjects all scrap past a1 (except chem and math not), plus this term's op can make it one lar..

Bored. There seems to be nothing interesting to do. NO, lazy to do actually. just played piano from 4 to 6+. since the end of exams, been playing like avrg of 2+ hr/day..taking grd 8 next yr..so no harm lar, next yr can concentrate more on studies. nice form of entertainment though.

open house on sat didn look too good. so bad until there was a serious excess of manpower. let's see..at arnd 1245, me, sin hwee, sua yu and bingqian were slacking in one of the classes in twr blk..then more ppl came..but overall, turnout was rather pathetic though..

carnival's going very well..thx to people like tze siong, chengyi and chunmeng(special thx to these ppl), who have the initiative to do the untold..yepz...thx..it'll be a success, no worries..

kk..praying for a pass for OD. the pass wil give me the a1 i need for IH. this is not completely over yet...

charge by night.

Exams kill ~

2004-10-12T22:17:00.000-07:00

exams kill. today's the 2nd last day of eoys..higher chi. swipes at my confidance man, the killer compre and the extremely long summary.

think this yr many people can get below 2 for msg, cos of the structural change, supposedly for the benfit of students. but looks like my hopes for <2 are almost dashed..unless some miracle happens.*haha..i do believe in miracles...* best score for 3 years was sec 2, 1.6+, then drop to this yr's low. argh

still left oral defense tmr. but that one is talk crap one. found my judges.."MELVIN and LINA", according to ms choeng, lina was her ex-collegue in rgs, has a extremely sharp tongue. melvin chng has a fetish for verbal bombast, which SORTs of makes my job easier. fancy getting a whole chunk of your marks minused off because you used some fancy language that the marker doesnt understand...it happened to my cpk. k, but melvin chng likes big words..EXCELLENT..i love them too....

k..must concentrate on OD now..just need a pass to get an overall A1 for humanities..cool.. First draft out here, but not good enough, going to edit and inject that bombast. still have 2 hrs to do it..

wish me luck dudes....

down memory lane once again

2004-08-31T23:11:00.000-07:00

ok..so teachers' days' over. lets start with sch celebrations first. lucky thing lionel and i didnt screw up [wireless mikes rock].. but then we had to impromtu the whole part about identity and sms games. kk..at least mdm ong and ms koe's pleased..she said thanks..haha. after it ended, went to give presents and stuff..took abt 30 min for 6 teachers..so on avrg talked to each teacher for 5 min? oh yar..u know what limth said.."you naughty talent ah". eh, what's that supposed to mean. [meaning the time i didnt hand in chem file for 1 month?]

went back to pri sch alone; yushu and gang too impatient to wait for me. k lor, took 852 to bus-stop right after macRitchie..dunno what happened but i ended up waiting there for like 20 min before knowing what bus to take.
shut my eyes until when i thought i reached. then just as i was gettin off, saw xiu min and kar wei infront. realised they had been sitting only one seat in front throughout; must 'eve came somewhere along the journey; she says it brings back memories, yea, but no thankew, i'll have only SOME of them...we saw mdm ang. haha, when i first saw her i thought she had become real fat after this period of time, xiu min being the 'only' one who thought she was pregnant..yea she is; due this dec.
didnt manage to see ling lao shi because she was taking..er..dunno what she was doing, but i had to leave, ok..nvm..asked my bro to send my regards.

everything's changin..including people. my ex-classmates do not look, or for some sound what they were 3 yrs ago..or maybe 8 mths ago. k nvm..everything will change sooner or later, though i wld prefer us to remain as these small innocent, playful kiddies..

k..my mum's home with a bagload of presents from her students..haha...shall go take a little tiny weeny peek under those wrappers..

Do people who play the piano, esp those virtuso pieces, type faster? seems like

walk down memory lane...

i'll proceed on my own

2004-08-28T12:52:00.000-07:00

omg, the weather's so hot these days, i can really feel that heat radiating from the windows.
just made a new resolution, to start muggin for EOYs. i think this yr is really screwed, sec 1 and 2 msg never exceeded 2.5 before. sec 2 can get 1st in class, then the road downhill starts. And i can't understand why i seem to be so farking busy and then still not producing the results i want. or expect. maybe i cant balance my commitments? expectation huh. i think its expectation that ruining me.

totally ruining.

and i get damned depressed maybe because iam not accustomed to such synchronised and consecutive failures. it freezes my blood, and i get up each day like this: the first 2 seconds feeling the pain as light burns into my eyes. then the next second, reality sets in as i see my desk, my books, my laptop, and then the dread sets in. dread for the day. it reminds me of work. somehow the retarded and those who don't know what reality is; the toddlers who don't even know what the heck is results and expectation and commitment.

not that. i see some sec students in my neighbouhood feeling very free. free. ok, they come from schs i never heard of. but there are also those bright sparks out there. my neighbour's daughter from sngs, opp wld be my ex-classmate now in rgs, then some houses away, also ex-classmate now in ri. and its also irritating my mum keeps comparing me to them. yea, she assumes, and it totally sucks.

1 week ago, ms wong(sm) distributed some reflection form. Damnit i critisised the expectations of teachers of the supposedly 'best' class and the uncommitted way they teach like siao. there were 5 printed lines. i wrote more than 8.

depressed.

dad's collecting his new car tmr. teachers' day on tues, and i feel so much like a hypocrite, having to say stuff that i don't mean. yea, that's the job of the emcee anyway. not that iam ungrateful, but to a certain extent...

yesterday pday grands. yea, got this certificate and will be getting trophy on mon. saw tiffany, she's disappointed with the results but we did our best anyway, didn't we?

i'll prove what i wrote in the reflection form to be true, wait and see. "...and because of these repeated proofs of failures of my educational and inspirational pillars, i have in my own will decided to pick myself up and proceed with this rite of passage on MY own..."

tell me that i can fail...nobody is perfect

i wanna feel safe.

2004-08-27T21:53:00.000-07:00

sabbaticals ended today. so sch ended like arnd 12? ya. cld have gone home after that, but under the insistance from lionel, we wenta see mdm ong about teacher's day emcee script again. okie, so now we're doing one whole scene english then another whle scene chinese. then later on when practising halfway, cldn't help but to laugh cos of the allemande part. "William from the Hutchins School, Tasmania, will be performing the allemande from Bach's suite no.1 for cello in C". mr goh scolded jun zhi for prounouncing it as alle-man-de on thurs when he was stand-in for me. says it must be Ar-Lar-Marn-Dae from Bac's suite. so bach is prounounced as bac. HAHA. try saying that sentence with these pronounciations; it sounds damn funny. and difficult to say/

8 cps now to chem after today. but i dun really care. to heck with the ace system. too bad the school doesn't realise that we will always have a way to cheat our way out of some crap system. was talkin to kevin sometime ago abt this thing. i mean, its like, its a bit da ridiculous for the sch to just put in place some system to force students to read outside cirriculum, and not tryin to understand why thy don't. yea.they ask for feedback yet rebutt everything u say or dun do anything. so we give up. then? they blame us for not speaking up. gd job man.

wad if i told you that i think iam addicted to..music? the piano to be more specific. played from 3+ to 630, didn't feel like stopping. this interest only started like 2 yrs ago. inspired. before tt was like playing because i was forced to..mum didn't let me stop since..er...5 yrs old? yea. and i think richard clayderman rocks. max payne too. my ambitions' not to become a musician, so..haha..excercise self-control.

saw nicholas comin out with his pillow. said that film studies ppl watch movies for 2 days throughout. today 'breakcamp'. humourous. especially when he said those films were the olden english films..tts sian

read this essay by this south african Nicola Lazenby. nicely done, sth about hope from within the improverished land. ok..it touching, won first prize for dunno which category for commonwealth sometime ago. dun despise the blacks. i know a lot of us do..haha..esp chs ppl yea..always hear abt those indian stuff.. >_<

okay. i know wad to do now. i just need the motivation to do so. you have to be able to see your goals and know wad you want to be able to work towards it. so for now, its working blindly.

it justs keeps buggin me...like a floating iceberg in my mind..wish me hope

i'am still lookin for u.

2004-08-25T22:59:00.000-07:00

yayz, music test's finished. FINISHED n' done with. didn feel as nervous as i expected cos te examiner looked like a robot..haha (gettin lame). but nvm, iam VERY high now..one thing off my mind. left sch at 12 today, cos the lesson wasnt very productive, rather go home and do some last min work, so i just told her "i will go now". and left. haha..think aim a gettin a bit too arrogant these few days..really, but the thing is that theres no time to waste. its the principle of efficiency anywae.

pday rehearsal on fri and the real thing on sat. anywae talking abt pday, has been so long since our first meeting yea, as in my group. haha..aim high and u'll get it..yea..its been long, and thx galven, tristan, sam and tiffany for the work everyone put in and everything else..congrats to us anyway

its rainin now..i love the rain. it clogs out the worries and distress. i think some of the sec 2s are a bunch of idiots, anyone in council can agree with tt man, look at cheng l, always go round acting boss and then when he screws up, we as in sec 3s get the blame. stupid. theres some guy from 2f i think, i dunno wads his name, always go round acting like like some gangster, he thinks he can scare ppl like tt..haha

today when those forensic ppl were waiting for the lab to open, alvin, lionel and me were trying to sabo wee. first, made another copy of lionel'scontact in my phone, changed from ong lay peng to lionel. then lionel smsed sth like : ask wee chern to see me in at my desk now, how can he behave this way and what kind of monitor is this, get him here. of cos mdm ong doesnt talk this way so he didnt believe..then later on we tried a few more times until sian.. but one was funny..from alvin..goes like this: Get wee chern to see mr hon at his office now. Iam pissed off. tell that SOB that if he doesnt go NOW, he' s dead. haha..for comic purposes only lar.

forensics was damn boring manz, msged some ppl but then all the mundane replies, wanna get some more contacts to..haha..entertain myself

some guy came to collect my dad's car today..so one car less for the week. means i'll have to go home myself on fri. haha. anywae fri's that army open hse thingy..

my laptop's laggin very badly nowadays argh. oh yea, just remembered that can go sch at 11 tmr. yAY..can slp later. ok, iam bored now, lets see, who's online..

but love without hope and faith is an agonizing death...

irritated

2004-08-24T22:57:00.000-07:00

feeling extremely irritated, cos i juz realised after looking through my scales bk that i completely forgot about the last and 2nd last sections (and the tr didn't even remind me)..piano test is tmr, will do something abt it. and also because of the damned inefficiency of the SAF personnel. Just almost got scolded for banging on the piano, in irritation and despair.

25m live range today. we left sch at 1230 for SAFTI MI. and those hags there were so inefficient we only left that place at 6.30pm; wasting my time. no wonder some ppl tell me that only idiots sign on as regulars after NS, yea maybe. but on a brighter note, i managed to get marksmanship again, which mean perfect score for this round! haha..2 times consecutively liao. anyway, still quite stunned now...cld feel the shockwaves on the ground everytime someone fires..it gets worse if you are the one firing, cos of the blast of gun powder into your eyes when you pull the trigger...plus the noise and recoil...

3rd september: army open hse. and we have to go as student helpers? the clt was saying got cip hrs, and get to lead girls' sch around. stupid. no way. iam not going, it another big waste of timel..iam telling you, theres much more to life and theres much more i wanna do in this lifetime than being so lame forever.

just made a new resolve..never to have an army career, esp those infantry stuff. wastin' my whole life.. (i sound like i hate the army eh..maybe.)

Life doesn't require that we be the best, only that we try our best, and we'll make it together...

I want what you can't give.

2004-08-22T23:11:00.000-07:00

omg..so many things to do tis' week. piano exam on wed, and it happens to clash with fieldtrip to HSA's laboratories, oh well. pday grandfinal rehearsal's tmr..think i will skip, needa go home practise man. oh yar, sharks..still have teachers' day emcee rehearsal and script to write, wah sian..means will reach home very late..argh. nvm, will find some excuse.

just remembered that theres 25m live firing on tues afternoon. oh manz, that leaves me with 2 nights to practise for test only:'( yep, must preserve marksmanship for this round again!!

writing trs' day emcee script now, write one sentence on word doc, then paste it into msn window for lionel to translate, then take the translated versions and paste back into word doc again. efficient? haha...

am very sleepy now.....

A simple smile is all it takes to make one happy. Love can come in many different ways, shapes and sizes... but a simple smile will conquer everything and leave the best of us speechless....

Incandescense

2004-08-20T20:48:00.000-07:00

Got back all the results for term 3 already..disappointing..i don't know, maybe i have too high hope of myself? nvm..let's see, bio..1 more mark to that A1 and to that exemption from EOY(or at least I think so..got >80 from term 1 till now)..so this term has to screw things up. nvm..more talk more depressing

I DROVE my dad's car yesterday, on the way home from piano lesson!! haha..he's scrapping his car in like 5 days (because the COE's very low now i think), so some dents here and there wont matter eh? so there i was..sitting in the middle on that handbrake section, one leg reaching to feel the accelerator..lets call it, 'driving' in this nice neighbourhood of ours..wahaha

ortusnite's upcoming..choon boon wants me to be piano accompainement for his horn, nocturno B flat; its some classic piece but the score's 15 pages thick...haha.so..sorry no way.
ah..teachers' day round the corner..cracking my brains on how to make emcee script not the conventional dialogue; i hate conventions...i wanna be free. creativity. will finish in 2 hrs

life's a routine..the usual stuff everyday...but i'll perservere..shan't give up like the last time...hope is a universal language...

... and I can't breathe when you cry, but I'll be there to hold you tight