havent touched this for months because there just isnt any strong impetus to write about myself. Well I dont find the idea of writing about yourself very palatable, so basically my other literary interests are flourishing while this is rotting. Anyway decided to chronicle some stuff I can vividly remember, after the mundane of banging on piano keys incessantly for over two hours.

Iam bored. Acutally, not that I have nothing to do -- most of the items on my list of to do's are still unchecked -- but rather there is no impetus or motivation to have them completed. Iam tempted to draw parallels to those who harbour sucidal notions after realising the futility of life -- I believe it's the same concept.

First week of december was spent chalking up hours as stagehands for the childaid performance. Actually to think about it, the job was really minimal because the NUS people in charge had already quite a few volunteers helping out with the props and coordination, so we just had to inform the performers of their appearance onstage, prepare/clear props, the technical aspects like sound and the other usual theatrical stuff. Just learnt that those hours were counted as cip, so we probably chalked up close to thirty hours of the most enjoyable cip. - laughs - And then there came along this reporter who asked tons of questions unrelated to childaid, in the name of an interview with us, like what subjects we took, career aspirations etc. Then they took a picture of jinrong and shawn posing with a harp, which appeared on the fri after the second performance. well anyway I was quite inspired by abigail sin that two nights so iam now trying my hand at Liszt ballad no.2...

Went for fund raising for this organisation called youthchallenge which claims affiliation with UN yesterday. They go about it the archaic way - soliciting donations on the streets, which I thought was quite inefficient but couldnt think of a more efficient way in their context, and in the context of the cause they serve. Seems to me like they're a popular organisation from the number of volunteers there (at the time when I was present), and this complacent-sounding guy who tried incessantly to imbibe into everyone the virtue of doing your best and boasting of their achievements (in the humanitarian arena) and what sets them apart from 'ordinary' organisations. damn, so cliche. And I didnt know such an organisation existed until cindy called up some time ago and asked if I would want to go about doing this. Iam actually not quite acquianted with the idea of soliciting donations on the street because all the chartable work for four years wasnt anything of this sort -- those in ncc and council. they were more of strategy, organising and/or manning carnivals and the likes of the childaid concert etc. well, such were the more glitzy affairs we had. There's nothing bad about street solicitations, except the boredom that plagues you. I realised that it doesnt wear you out physically, but mentally. Met zichong, cheehow, cindy, yawen and another person whom i dont know at 9+ and by the time the guy at the centre finished with his rhetoric and the registration and stuff, we left at 1130. Returned at 3.45, earlier than I'd planned. the donations were plentiful, but the sales of this pen they produced (or from sponsors) were nil; they didnt appeal to anybody and perhaps the pricing wasnt right too.

actually this whole idea of street solicitation doesnt really appeal to me. maybe firstly, its inefficient, and secondly, the numbers. i guess i have a rather warped idea about this whole thing, but after years of raking in and sending donations by the thousands without the crude soliciting is beginning to set into me some obsession with efficiency. Perhaps it isnt about efficacy, but like i said, maybe i do have a warped perception of this all..

after this business, went home to complete my daily tasks hurridly, namely some finger routines on the keyboard and other chores, compulsory personal tasks (whatever they should be called) before leaving again for some string concert with weixiang and rosemarie. Was pleasant, since i havent seen both for quite some time already.

sin hwee just sent me another chinese orchestra song by some dizi master. I dont really find oriental music very appealing; it's loud and a lot of tonal clashes and quintessentially very china-like in style. well i dont know how to put it but it paints a picture of backwardness, where there's these old men in a plain, playing some intrument, along with butterflies and scenery. Some are not loud, slow and clashy but iam also not too sure of why i harbour this deep seated distaste for oriental music. not like people like sinhwee who can see the underlying philosophies and mentalities of that age. How suave is that?

well anyway i guess i'll have to go for that fundraising again tomorrow, unless some family matter comes up again (as always, on very short notice) having skipped today because of a bad headache which got better later on. and i said i'd go today, wed and fri.

My items on the list of to do's sits waiting to be checked. maybe they wont be completed, and the disappointment sets in and apportioning of the blame to me. Oh my.