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lj looks good to me =) Redirection --> http://kyrle-cottsloe.livejournal.com/::
.:kindling a fiery thought at 11:40 PM:.
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just a random personality survey of sorts from some time ago...
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I just got this notion that every single moment and decision is actually charting one's direction in life, always changing with each action, just like how demand and supply curves perpetually shift. Lots have happened in 4 months; and within this span, I think i've done enough to generate those tons of secrets of a lifetime and lessons on myself. I'll take some of those secrets to my grave, definitely; the only consolation: that they ever happened in this lifetime of mine.
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As I stand back and look at the people around me changing, those personalities i once shattered ice with or those extreme conservatives becoming so forward looking; it causes me to sometimes shrink into this penumbra of intense and frantic thought, to try to grasp a really macro picture of some social evolution of sorts. Change is a double edged sword, but within my sphere of increasing efficacy and some subconcious positive morphing (I hope), I know i wont concede any defeat yet.
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Change, that's one tackled, via acceptance.
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I am getting to appreciating the tranquility of night, stark contrast from the chaotic dissonances of daylight that ever so stoically insist on penetrating my chamber of thought, turn the vault of information on my notes into garble, make a fool out of concentration, run me down the rut of guilt.
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Passed the interview for humanities scholarship almost a week back, last rung to reach that summit to satisfy that tinge of expectation. Good Lord don't leave me hanging.
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.:kindling a fiery thought at 4:35 PM:.
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the first week of school flies past and dissipates before the eye, as if the globe just accelerated its rotation. some facts havent sunk in yet; this week just seems to be some other high school council event like slc. but the reality that iam already a college student stares back with this contorted expression that epitomises some emotion in between excitement and apprehension. I don't actually know what really to expect, but all in all, you get what you make out of these two years here.
well, orientation went well, except for some splatters here and there that really marred my impression of some staff, and some other talks that bores you to the bone. It's almost the same as chinese high, with people around speaking mandarin like a staple, even though theres the influx of students from everywhere. but gosh, its still so chinese! anyway, I thought the best of the orientation itenary was the hexagon thing and mass dance. Actually I thought that this culture of mass dancing would be shaken with the influx of chs students because of our generally unenthusistic attitude to everything that speaks of school spirit, but it turned out differently.
oh and my orientation group was quite enthusiastic in the cheering and games stuff, which I found quite surprising given that people like minkai and yongkeong actually stood out by leading the group in cheers and the games. so much for secondary school passiveness.
iam officially in the humanities programme now; the next hurdle is the scholarship part. I thought that the scholarship wasnt particularly important since ESIP and this humanities scholarship overlapped each other in the area of school fees. but on furthur thought, its the connotation attached to the humanities scholarship that appeals. iam now in 06a15, guess that would be apollo.
have met my class, and well, they're great people to be with. it just seems like a14 and a15 together is a western conclave amidst this generally oriental setting which amanda chong calls 'chingchongchinaland'. well anyway so the 05 batch and us went to kap for some senior-junior interaction which provides pretty much insight into..well, generally how the school system goes. so unfortunately, the weeks of late nights, taxing activities, boring talks and some personal setbacks has really allowed mental and physical fatique to set in; just killed my mood and dissipated my energy to go socialise and find out people's names. Don't know the names of everybody in my class yet, but I guarentee that when the next week opens, I'd have psyched myself and come back in full force.
so much for now.::
.:kindling a fiery thought at 3:20 PM:.
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havent touched this for months because there just isnt any strong impetus to write about myself. Well I dont find the idea of writing about yourself very palatable, so basically my other literary interests are flourishing while this is rotting. Anyway decided to chronicle some stuff I can vividly remember, after the mundane of banging on piano keys incessantly for over two hours.
Iam bored. Acutally, not that I have nothing to do -- most of the items on my list of to do's are still unchecked -- but rather there is no impetus or motivation to have them completed. Iam tempted to draw parallels to those who harbour sucidal notions after realising the futility of life -- I believe it's the same concept.
First week of december was spent chalking up hours as stagehands for the childaid performance. Actually to think about it, the job was really minimal because the NUS people in charge had already quite a few volunteers helping out with the props and coordination, so we just had to inform the performers of their appearance onstage, prepare/clear props, the technical aspects like sound and the other usual theatrical stuff. Just learnt that those hours were counted as cip, so we probably chalked up close to thirty hours of the most enjoyable cip. - laughs - And then there came along this reporter who asked tons of questions unrelated to childaid, in the name of an interview with us, like what subjects we took, career aspirations etc. Then they took a picture of jinrong and shawn posing with a harp, which appeared on the fri after the second performance. well anyway I was quite inspired by abigail sin that two nights so iam now trying my hand at Liszt ballad no.2...
Went for fund raising for this organisation called youthchallenge which claims affiliation with UN yesterday. They go about it the archaic way - soliciting donations on the streets, which I thought was quite inefficient but couldnt think of a more efficient way in their context, and in the context of the cause they serve. Seems to me like they're a popular organisation from the number of volunteers there (at the time when I was present), and this complacent-sounding guy who tried incessantly to imbibe into everyone the virtue of doing your best and boasting of their achievements (in the humanitarian arena) and what sets them apart from 'ordinary' organisations. damn, so cliche. And I didnt know such an organisation existed until cindy called up some time ago and asked if I would want to go about doing this. Iam actually not quite acquianted with the idea of soliciting donations on the street because all the chartable work for four years wasnt anything of this sort -- those in ncc and council. they were more of strategy, organising and/or manning carnivals and the likes of the childaid concert etc. well, such were the more glitzy affairs we had. There's nothing bad about street solicitations, except the boredom that plagues you. I realised that it doesnt wear you out physically, but mentally. Met zichong, cheehow, cindy, yawen and another person whom i dont know at 9+ and by the time the guy at the centre finished with his rhetoric and the registration and stuff, we left at 1130. Returned at 3.45, earlier than I'd planned. the donations were plentiful, but the sales of this pen they produced (or from sponsors) were nil; they didnt appeal to anybody and perhaps the pricing wasnt right too.
actually this whole idea of street solicitation doesnt really appeal to me. maybe firstly, its inefficient, and secondly, the numbers. i guess i have a rather warped idea about this whole thing, but after years of raking in and sending donations by the thousands without the crude soliciting is beginning to set into me some obsession with efficiency. Perhaps it isnt about efficacy, but like i said, maybe i do have a warped perception of this all..
after this business, went home to complete my daily tasks hurridly, namely some finger routines on the keyboard and other chores, compulsory personal tasks (whatever they should be called) before leaving again for some string concert with weixiang and rosemarie. Was pleasant, since i havent seen both for quite some time already.
sin hwee just sent me another chinese orchestra song by some dizi master. I dont really find oriental music very appealing; it's loud and a lot of tonal clashes and quintessentially very china-like in style. well i dont know how to put it but it paints a picture of backwardness, where there's these old men in a plain, playing some intrument, along with butterflies and scenery. Some are not loud, slow and clashy but iam also not too sure of why i harbour this deep seated distaste for oriental music. not like people like sinhwee who can see the underlying philosophies and mentalities of that age. How suave is that?
well anyway i guess i'll have to go for that fundraising again tomorrow, unless some family matter comes up again (as always, on very short notice) having skipped today because of a bad headache which got better later on. and i said i'd go today, wed and fri.
My items on the list of to do's sits waiting to be checked. maybe they wont be completed, and the disappointment sets in and apportioning of the blame to me. Oh my.
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.:kindling a fiery thought at 6:00 PM:.
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havent written for ages. well, probably because of this mixture of laziness and weariness. anyway, just wanted to talk about perth and ortus night because they are 2 of the latest experiences which i hope will not be the first and last.
well perth was great, one of the best camps I and I think everyone has been to ( of course only those who went to aus). Was basically the opposite of the blasted boring obs...you see we went white water rafting, flying foxes you cant find in S'pore etc. Beats obs flat. plus the ready pitched tents etc, really freed much time for other stuff (which wont be elaborated on here). but the stuff in perth is relatively expensive, compounded by the stronger aussie dollar, which can bring the price of a small meal close to over 10AUD. Took lots of pictures...came to be about 500 after compiling algernon's and jun zhi's, but i managed to upload most. try this: http://ongzhao89.shutterfly.com
msg this term isnt really bad...goes to 1.4, class 7th and one of my best insofar. still quite worried abt the jc criteria thing, but I guess more hard work to be put in over the next few weeks before any reward can be reaped.
now ortus night..we originally played powerpuff girls' Love makes the world go round. sounds stupid but i thought it wasnt bad after hearing alvin and hongfei. too bad hongfei couldnt sing today. and also unfortunate that drummer jonathan couldn make it for rehearsals, so item was changed. and guess what. it became my piano solo because tanhy wanted a filler for the empty slot. without scores and informed only 3 hrs before the actual perfomance. but in any case, all the performances rocked...will remember Alive and especially Lixi's guitar..haha
getting late now but good luck to those out there taking prelims or whatever exams. you will pull through....haha...sweet dreams.::
.:kindling a fiery thought at 11:40 PM:.
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i guess ord marks another milestone, well, talk about growing with everyone in the past 4 years. well, the usual water bombings still remained, but i reckon what will remain of 4 years of ncc will not be this instantaneous remembrance but the streched period of forging ties. thought i could seriously have done more within these years, but again, i shouldnt describe so much of a scenario everyone born into this earth would have to go through.went with kaixian, rose and channel to some music awards at cat high last friday, which was real good. but of course, it's relative (where on earth can you find absolute perfectionism?). well, the significance in mentioning this lies not within the shows itself but the personal ramifications it had on me. for one, i thought that we at hci were still at the lower ends of the rungs if the musical passion of s'porean schools were lined end-on-end; and i really do, sort of admire these talents (if they're talents to begin with, or just the average pseudo-genius Tom, which reallyputs us to shame). but talk about the school administration's backing, talk about financial support and we pale in comparison. Pallor. yet, mention acadamic lust and we hammer them flat-out. jason wong talked to us about promotional criterion to hcjc. going by his flashy statistics (which based themselves in turn, on the assumption that results will follow similar trends of a pyramid with the rotten grades at the bottom), 40% of the cohort will not make it to hcjc. Laughable? yea. Ridiculous? outright so. So what's become of IP? I reckon it's pretty unfair to utilise past years' Olvels as a basis of comparison to IP curriculum and students' acadamic standards. talk about an avrg msg of 3.00 and an L1R5 of 6. but well, thats without factoring in the other mitigating (and potentially lethal) ill-effects of..yea, the trillions of saturated,lambasticated bullshit. But whether IP is too preliminary to be fairly commented on is to be exposed to the world in 5 mths (or 2.5 yrs). my mum called me a nuisance for forgetting my phone today. well i had been waiting for her since the pre-arranged time at 2 (for some appointment..), but sort of felt jerky after 20 mins without trace of the car. so anyway i tried to borrow a line from some sec 1s but without avail. i still got that line in (only to be recieved by my aunt who informed me that my mum herself had forgotten her phone..) by the pleasant incidence of my friend Tiffany who happened to be entering, lending me her phone. Thanks dude. You know i used to find it counfounding why teenagers are so hung up over cellphones, but perhaps now i could convince people of OUR fervent cause..man,i feel as if i'am off balance (must be cerebellum?). off to finish some math, mrp to get some motivation, and probably some inspiration too...::
.:kindling a fiery thought at 12:55 AM:.
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With regards to debilitating issues, there can be no right nor wrong. Defining or advocating what is 'right' would be tantamount to playing God. This is also true for the negative aspect of 'wrong'.
I'll give you an analogy; if truth tells you of a pink round object in front of you, yet you look around and perceive nothing, does it still exist? This is my take: Yes, it definetely does, firstly, for it is the truth whose revelation this is, and second, because of the commonly overlooked fact that our 5 senses are not organs which can perceive everything. I believe our 5 sense organs only allow us a perception of a fraction of all aspects of nature, and the fact that you didn't perceive that pink round object merely means your senses do not have the ability to sense it. Simple. In truth, no one said that your 5 senses could sense every disturbance in your environment.
I believe that this same principle can be applied when dealing with the sciences. I am amused at the rate theorists reject hypothesis and theories because they do not sound logical. But who, or what, has the key answer to what constitutes logic? And that is why I believe logic is indeed just a warped perception of reality, man-defined, and perhaps, if humanity can pit aside the lowly intricacies of our human mind, can science be again or furthur revolutionalised.
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.:kindling a fiery thought at 1:06 PM:.
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